- Mood:
Hopeless - Listening to: sekai ga owaru nara toki ni wa wakarudarouka?
- Reading: Sunjata
- Watching: yuppies go by at StarBucks
- Playing: nothing
- Eating: nothing
- Drinking: nothing
..of listening to everyone else s whining. I wouldn't mind if I were aloud to do so once in a while myself-
about how I will never ever be able to have enough money, no matter what I do. About how it's inevitable that I'll eventually have to move back in with my Mother like some lazy and unambitious nerd, where I wont be able to see my so called 'friends' or go to school anymore.
About the fact that as much I'd like to I can't just keep ignoring certain health-issues. I either chance-fixing it now and have 50% chance of making it worse and being unable to walk at all or ignoring it and having a 100% chance of the same later.
I decided that if I was indeed going to die by 40 or so that I'd just run myself into the ground and allow my injuries to pile up to the point that they couldn't be fixed by that time when it matter, (rather than consistently patching up wounds that it'd be re-injured later) But no, you bastards wont even let me to do that.
-About having the mother fucking government in my business all the fucking time. The fact that if I want the medication I need to uh LIVE I have to kiss ass to a bunch of ass-holic researchers who don't give a flying fuck about anything but their fuckng grant money, About how no matter how fucking hard I try to 'suck it up' my Grandmother calls every fucking day to remind me how bad things are-and that I'm 'weak' and 'don't understand that I'm gonna die if I keep being so reckless ect ect"
I WISH I had so few problems in my life that I could waste energy 'flailing' over having to have my cosplay costumes finished. Or hell, that I COULD work on my own cosplay shit, rather than relying on the unreliable people because they wont fucking TEACH me how to do it myself. Either because they're too lazy or think IM to fucking stupid to learn.
I wish that I HAD an outlet when I need one.
Most of all about my fucking self-absorbed 'friends' don't give two shits when I finally want to say something. ( Usually I just shove it all down where it can fester like a mental illness-Fiturama FTW)
I swear to God that if I have to hear Panda's bitching about how he's 'so stressed and needs to heat things with sticks" I'm going to lose it. And you know what? My 'friends' still will not take me seriously. They'll just look at me like I'm a fucking child and ask " What the hell is YOUR problem? It isn't like you have to do deal with all MY stress"
(Of having to chose whether to buy the Wii or a new Xbox game?)
What? Do I have to fucking cry about it for people to understand? I wont. As much as I hate 50's musicals "...that's the worst thing I could do"
...I Honestly have no idea what to do anymore. I can't FORCE people to understand, and I'll just keep getting angrier and angrier. Unfortunately, I'm too weak will to just stop hanging out with them, even if I did, it wont solve anything and probably be the same with any new friends I make. *Siiiiiiigh*